Let it Go

A year ago I found myself navigating something bigger than me. Restless in my belief systems.
Tired, sad, angry with how the world is always divided.   

Let it Go!

 

let it go

Trying so hard to let it go. To find where this restless passion was leading me.
My only way to express it peacefully is & has been with a brush and paint. 

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I have always been a painter. Up until now, it was usually found on furniture. And it was always custom and on someone else’s terms.
In 2016, my creative outlet had been shut down by my diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis and then again by Breast Cancer in 2017.
Fighting my way past both seemed almost impossible and healing had always come through my hand holding a brush.
However, it was time, I needed to let it go. How things used to be- weren’t how they were now

 

My faith and personal journey with God has always been very open, deep, and complex. Finding myself again, included diving deeper into the original language, texts of the bible, and the history.  What I was now learning didn’t seemed to support much of what I had consumed in church. Nor what was being reflected by the church. We have been to a lot of different churches within all of our moves. So, I have seen really good and really horrible. 

Restless, reckoning, and questioning mostly the most important piece of the Church- Loving Like God/ Jesus... was I the only one actually reading those texts and defining that Jesus really meant ALL people with breath were worthy of Love?
Was it ever going to change? all this fighting of what certain texts meant? Did it matter when we miss the Biggest Point Made… to LOVE. Defining love seems like a distraction when you could be actually living it out. 

What others might think wasn’t really my responsibility. Let it go.

Moving back to the desert in the beginning of 2021 & has served me so well. Allowing my body to heal and my soul to breathe.
Here I was still me, but different. It’s funny how “new” and “change” can often be so scary.

But if you don’t hold fear and let it go.. It can bloom into a beautiful awakening. 

Bible Journaling had become something I loved during my cancer journey. And one particular artist really resonated with our personal journey, Shawna Clingerman. Her art style was beautiful but it was the big bold hand lettered words of Bravery, Courage, Fearless, and so many more. 

Something in me was literally breaking for what this new understanding of language and history. Misuse of bible verses, even among the community that made all these beautiful types of art with God’s Word. Wielding “proof texts” as weapons to “be right” or “superior” just didn’t fit in my heart any longer.

To me this whole rhetoric seemed to be the largest distraction to doing what I already knew to be true in my own heart… Just go and LOVE. Show up without a single need to defend God or the person who has largely and widely been cast aside and oppressed. Because it’s the right humane thing to do. And do it with no hesitation and no reward. What always had been, I now found myself saying deep in my heart, let it go. God is bigger than all of this. And inclusivity isn’t division. I advocate for ALL.  

 Let it go & Be Fearless

This is how I met Shawna. She was hosting a little online summer camp. I certainly was not planning to do. But somehow a tug in me said it was different & it was free. So no risk there. Now, not new to the game, I knew it was a precursor to masterclass of some sort.  BUT STILL, this was different. And I am so glad I listened to that nudge. Because she restored my hope in humanity!!! And helped me find a new way for the new me!! 

It was all about being Fearless. Being so connected to who you are to the core and unleashing it- fearlessly. {That is my version of the description.} Releasing “My” need to be perfect. To be just so and not too much. To ensure that all things are appropriately JUST SO… Even when the world around me is swirling in chaos and I cannot control as single thing. That was where Sweet Shawna met me… Bless.

 

 
 
 
 
 
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A post shared by Lori Young (@curatedsouls_loriyoung)

I had always had furniture as the channel for my perfection. Where could I possibly channel it creatively now?
Sporting a tremor in my hands that was in no way going to find peace in the details. It was inside of week 2 of her “Bloom” module that I began finding me.  There I was brush in hand, lost in the flow of watercolor. Trying something ENTIRELY new and uncomfortable as HECK.

But much like my imperfectly upholstered sofa in that old 1920’s Farmhouse parlor, either giving everyone hives or making them see I am so human. I LOVED it!! I mean really loved it. 

I couldn’t stop. I was painting everything and although the motto was “nothing has to be a masterpiece”. I wasn’t really sure I wanted anything to be more than my practice. I needed it just to be, play, and just practice.

 

 
 
 
 
 
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A post shared by Lori Young (@curatedsouls_loriyoung)

Painting wasn’t new. Watercolor was.

 

 
 
 
 
 
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A post shared by Lori Young (@curatedsouls_loriyoung)


Learning to control the amount of water in my brush was the control I longed to have in my space, my head, my world. Sometimes, it’s just that easy. Finding healthy ways to channel the emotions and feelings that we have- and can’t let go of.

It’s been a hot minute (is that still a saying?) since I sat down to write out a blog post? Inside of Fearless Art, I somehow decided learning how to podcast was easier than typing out all the words held in my heart. So incredibly funny if you knew how much blogging was the heartbeat of my soul. I could write forever and still never quite come to the exact thing I want to articulate.

But somehow within this post, I hope you see… I searched forever to find the old me after all the hair was gone and the chemo finally lifted, the weight of the world shifted, and I am just never really going to be the “old me”. And I am finally okay with that. I genuinely love the new me that is gracefully finding herself every single day in every moment. Because I decided to love “what is” when I decided to let it go.. “It” being what was, what isn’t, what I lost for what could be, might be- Even better. 

With Mia back in school after homeschooling for 3 years, I am ready to take all of this art and finally show up in a space to share.

I want to inspire you to create a home you can LIVE in and LOVE… that you are absolutely more creative than you dare to think.
And that art in any form, can truly heal and help you find yourself all over again.
It might just be the most powerful way to rediscover the shadows of your heart and learn to let light flow through so you can truly embrace and love all of you. 

I am so glad you are here. I hope that you have always been. And if not, thanks for showing up. The paint will always be around. Somethings haven’t changed. It’s on walls, furniture, canvas’s, watercolor paper, and sketch books. and I am loving every last breath of creativity. Even at midnight as I write this post!! Please be sure to subscribe and follow me on socials for more!! 

Goodnight!! Good Day!!
Now go and create something wonderful- even if it’s all for you!! You are worth it!! 

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