Breast Cancer and Chemotherapy

If you haven’t heard. I have Breast Cancer and started chemotherapy. And I have had a lot of time to process and the symbolism of the chemo itself hasn’t been lost on me. God knew when He allowed this cancer- I would go seeking Him in the middle of all of it.
The crazy thing, I did. Immediately. Yes I was shocked and cried. But I went looking for the purpose, the usefulness that this would bring for Him through me.
And it goes back so far. As do all things with me… {grab a cup of coffee or tea and sit with me a while}

But it starts with defining both cancer and how it’s going to be treated through chemotherapy. And lucky me, I sat through a class at Mayo Clinic with two big binders full of every definition needed for my new vernacular of the cancer world. I was being immersed into this new journey whether I was eager or willing and had better learn how to help myself the best I could. 

Cancerdisease which there is controlled cell growth. These cells can invade nearby tissue, as well as spread through the blood and lymphatic system to other parts of the body.

Robbing all of my healthy cells of the opportunity of living life to its fullness. As if I were defining sin itself. Invading my house and home trying to Kill, Steal, and Destroy all that I believe. {John 10:10}

But oh Satan, Not Today!!

I STILL Believe that God is Good!! 

When MS was being diagnosed, I did a lot of research. It’s who He made me to be y’all. Answers weren’t coming fast enough and life felt really out of control. And that was something I really struggled with, have always struggled with. Hands high for the guilty of desiring control over one’s life- ME ME ME. Ironically, the year before I had given over control to God to break strongholds and unhealthy relationships with my body image and food. So, I felt strong and likely in what I thought was the best physical and mental condition I had been in years. And more importantly, closer to God and believing in whom I belonged, and my true identity in Christ. 

But this research led to my “diet” and how restrictive I had become. I needed to take it one more step and allow myself to eat everything but cut that out that was still harming my body. I became so immersed in the Auto- Immune and Paleo protocol. Realizing my diet was lacking so many nutrients and robbing my healthy cells of thriving. My immune system and gut began to truly repair and I had created an environment of healing to the best of my ability… and it wasn’t enough. 

Friends, we need a higher power. Something greater than what we can see and can do. We were created to need and glorify our Creator. {Colossians 1:16, Nehemiah 9:6}

The oncologist did say it is likely what saved my prognosis and would enable me to fight this cancer. It created an environment where the cancer that was likely there- couldn’t spread any further than it had. Yes, my cancer is invasive and has spread but it could be so much worse. 

My time that has been in battle over these last years, has been without an army surrounding me. I used to think in the beginning it was because life was too messy for others to step in. But in the power of His perspective, I know that it was the environment that God needed to do His full work in me. I depended on no one, not even my husband. I was seeking God on my knees, in the Word, in worship, at every turn…. I relied so fully on the presence of the LORD and it was lonely at times but it was what equipped me to walk with such faith through it all and into these new circumstances. Instead of being so full of fear or viewing this as a new punishment, for who I was before I met the Jesus that rescued me from a life I was never intended to live. 

I see Harvest. I see Hope.

Chemotherapydrugs administered to kill cancer cells. 

That’s the definition given. But we all know it kills and destroys everything healthy as well. And not only does it kill healthy it attacks them faster and stronger- they have no fight in them.

Imagery has been a way God has spoken to me many times. He created me. He created you. Uniquely, He speaks and reveals himself in ways that are not tricky or deceptive, but in obvious ways that are unmistakably in your DNA structure, in ways that only make sense to you. They are in times that are so intimate and personal. It is the very heart of who He is. What He desires to be in you.

He will strip everything that is not of or from Him in the life of a saint.  Saint- that is you and I, if we call on His name as our LORD and Savior. 

He will replace old desires with His desires.  He will take old, broken, tattered, and ruined and make a masterpiece.  He does this deeply and gently. He does this in our willingness to allow Him to have His way.  {Psalm 20:4, 147:3, 86:11, Ephesians 3:20,} 

The hopeful outcome of chemotherapy is to kill cancer and kill the stray cells that could make their way to other parts of the body that are healthy. To extend your life.

I think chemotherapy is the enemy in many minds and eyes. I believed it was, BEFORE I was diagnosed with cancer. I was already eating the “cancer diet” and it wasn’t going to be enough. Not in my own strength. 

And I know this will be an odd jump or analogy for some.. but go with me for a minute.

God takes all weapons meant to harm us and He releases that arrow right back at the enemy.  {Isaiah 54:17} He can use all that has hurt, battered, and bruised us. And make it Good. {Romans 8:28} He can make you new {2 Cor 5:17} and Able to do ALL things that seem impossible to you and I – He CAN!! {Philippians 4:13}

Nothing in the life of a believer is happenstance or coincidental.

It has all been ordained- and I know that is an awful thought to many and it’s hard to accept at times. I used to have such a hard time with this early in my faith, heck just a few years ago watching my daughter suffer mental illness.  It takes awful some times to bring us back to our needs. It takes hard and miserable times to bring stubborn resolves to a place they are willing to break and do harder things that will set them free. This last one I know first hand in this very place I sit typing to you.

and we look at God like chemotherapy. The enemy. If we choose to follow God- He will take away, He will kill our pleasures and life we have built and are comfortable in. Our entitlement culture makes us such fools.  And the enemy isn’t attacking you if that is where your heart resides. He knows he doesn’t have to fear you walking in God’s fullness anytime soon… so rest easy. That isn’t permission. That’s a reality check. So many people believe that following and giving their life to Jesus is a magical experience. And it’s like all other relationships in your life- Work. and it’s nothing like any of the relationships in your life- Eternal and Unconditional.

“I say to the LORD, “You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing.” Psalm 16:2

The battles and struggles have taken me apart and made me into something I could have never become without the grace of God, the vision of God, the call of God, and it’s all equipped me with such faith!! Everything I have ever lost in following Christ, was either never meant to be mine, or replaced with a fullness I could never in my own strength achieve.

His blood has set me free. Killing off all the old strongholds, shame, and sins that shackled me. He took dreams that I created and reshaped them into His ways that bring Him glory and give me a purpose far beyond myself. 

He gives me life. He extends my life past “me”. He is my hope and all I will ever need.{Psalm 16:5-11}

This crazy cancer has harvested more faith within me in a short month, than years of any other struggle I only thought was going to kill me. 

Counting it all joy is a privilege and an honor. Because in the name of Jesus, doing so is hopefully shining His grace and mercy that is for all His people. 

Hear me, I am NO ONE special. I AM a child of God.  Who longs for you to be set free from every lie that the enemy has ever whispered into your heart. You too have the been given the spirit of power and love. Be set free!!

Love y’all so much!! 
Update… our; friend set this up to help us in this battle. If you feel so led to give- thank you!! And thank you for your emails and messages of prayers and encouragement!!



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  1. Cheryl Glendening says:

    Amen Lori!!!

  2. Patty Soriano says:

    Lori, I’m so sorry for the new struggle you find yourself in. My mom had two mastectomies, and I’ve had a few scares myself….biopsy and lumpectomy. I pray you are able to stay strong in the Lord and find yourself at the other end of this as a well woman. God bless you with healing and comfort during the trial ahead.
    Castroville TX

  3. […] even harder to believe that I planned to share this journey with you but haven’t posted since November 7, 2017    This girl, who lived by the mantra on that shirt below… didn’t even know […]

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