Don’t Go to Bed Angry {a book review}

What I Read Wednesday

Don't Go to Bed Angry

{Enter for a chance to win a copy here.}

So many of us, regardless of age or faith, have fallen in love with the fairy tale version of marriage.  We put so much weight on “the day” with little regard to “the life” of happily ever after. We fall in love in February with all things love, red, and pink. The movies that give us a picture of what the perfect life could be.

But very few of us, walk down the isle bright eyed, and armed with a game plan for when crisis unveils it’s nasty truth. We just want to believe that love will carry us through. And it is what conquers all, but love the real love is much different.

Conflict seems like a taboo topic to leave untouched in dating and presenting our best. And honestly, believing the best of our partners.

Over the years I have read my share of marriage books. My husband and I love to attend marriage conferences and read the books together to stay in tune with each other and proactive in our approach. We are no strangers to crisis and I am grateful for the investment we have made early on. It is our failures that made us stand strong against the enemy’s schemes.

So let’s be honest, when we hit the bookstore or Amazon we are looking for hope, help, and answers. Many of the books I have read are just restating what the other authors have said with a small twist. But I have read quite a few I highly recommend. This book {I received a free copy to review for you today}, is one full of realistic answers, an approach that is workable for both husband and wife, it is interactive, and full of substance.

“Don’t Go to Bed Angry- Stay Up & Fight” by Deb DeArmond is one I would recommend. It is very realistic approach and points you back to scripture every time. “It’s about fighting the real ‘enemy’, together, for the life of your marriage.”  We’ve all heard (even if you aren’t a believer) “Don’t let the sun go down being angry” taken from scripture in Ephesians 4:26 and like Deb says in her book, I do believe it ranks right up there with misused verses.

For years, I would feel guilt for not being able to nurse all night and wake before my family to have my quiet time with God. I started praying when I woke every couple of hours and cultivated a closer relationship with God, but would still feel guilt when older women would say how important it was to frame your day with God. I never felt adequate.  Shame y’all is such a tool of the enemy.  Conflict within marriage, often is the same kind of scheme. Don’t get me wrong, there are times that we are just selfish and wrong.  However, we know the enemy is after our families and our marriages. No matter the truth we know and faith we have in God, the enemy is after our hearts and minds to believe differently. That enemy isn’t your spouse!! But in these verses we pull out the before and after and we leave ourselves feeling bad. The important part was “Don’t sin by letting anger control you.” and the ending “for anger gives foothold to the devil.” Sandwiched in between is the “Don’t let the sun go down while you are still angry.”  Y’all I am a mama of 4 and we range from 20 years old down to 6.  I promise tired minds and hearts fighting it out allow Satan the very foothold these verses warns against. So praying, cooling off, sleeping, and waking to new mercies; allows for our perspectives to be fresh and in the hands of the healer. Communication is key and the willingness to listen and hear things differently cannot happen when we are exhausted.  Prayer, is the first line of respite for both. And prayer is always a heart matter. When you can’t figure it all out, God is there waiting to guide you, help you, and fight with you. It always breaks my heart to see married couples turn from their faith. The enemy is never more happy to see distention in our homes. And I love that in this book, Deb calls it out and provides scripture reference to tie it all together.

Our hearts are the most important part. Not giving in to the sin that could entangle us in trying to prove ourselves right. Because God can and will do far more than we could ever imagine “if” we “both” submit to that truth and allow Him to move within our hearts, conflict, and marriage. Being true to God doesn’t ensure that we won’t experience conflict. It only ensures that we will know who is in control and help us respond in a manner pleasing to Him. Deb says, ” and God’s love for us calls us to let go of the ugliness, the hurt, the pain so we aren’t damaged by it.” Think about that for a minute; it’s not just for couples. It absolutely fits with our children, friends, neighbors, co-workers, and all other relationships. And so often the respect we afford “all other relationships” is far better than we do our spouses and family.

This book is full of tools to add when the inevitable occurs. Full of information to help you see how one another responds and communicates. Looking into barriers, communication traps, and how to help one another work together.  The most important element of this book as Christian, was the her foundation being the Word of God  is the blue print of for your life as believers. (2 Timothy 3:16)

When we begin to carry our belief for the way Jesus loves us unmerited, unfailing, and wants us to become one flesh and love like Him. When we bring this into the very core of our marriage (and other relationships), we begin to see situations as opportunities to offer grace and grow in our faith.

“Knowledge is obtainable through Scriptures, and the Holy Spirit will lead us into full understanding. Knowledge applied in the moment needed is called wisdom. Wisdom doesn’t get itself wrapped up in  a knot during conflict. Wisdom keeps a clear head and is pleasing to God. ” – Deb

We can certainly “know” all the right things to do but having the resolve to truly live in covenant with your spouse takes hard work and a plan. This book is written to interactively help give you a foundation, knowledge, and insight we don’t always go to first. Sections that are so plain and clear, avoiding emotional triggers that take us off track, but rather solid steps to take together to fight fairly for lifetimes of living together as allies. Showing how to have strong resistance from damaging tactics and enemy holds. You’will want a pen and highlighter to make notes I am sure. Strong families are made with strong marriages.

Discover & Discuss, Challenge Each Other to a Deeper Understanding, and Get Back on Track!! 

It is all inside this great book. You can order yours today here.

Thank you for stopping by today!!


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  1. Deb DeArmond says:

    Lori – thank for the generous and comprehensive review. Ron and I are really pleased that you enjoyed the book. I hope your readers will too1

    Deb and Ron DeArmond

  2. Very inspiring. It’s amazing how you deal with life seriously.


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